Just Get A Grip

Well, I'm the one who's an idiot. Why am I not satisfied with what I have or had? It seems as if everything I do is a mistake. I'm supposed to make the right decisions for myself right? Well it sure as hell doesn't seem like I have been doing that lately. I'm just so tired of pretty much everyone. I want to know why everything has to be so messed up.
It all started with Freshman year. Damn high school. I put my self through so much pain, and for what? Nothing. Do people really think that I don't know what they are saying about me? That just because they don't tell me to my face the word still doesn't gets around. I'm basically just talking about one person here but still. But hey whatever right? It doesn't even matter anymore.
Things sure have been blowing up in my face lately. I ended it because I wasn't happy, that night I was even more unhappy then before. It killed me to know how much I hurt someone else. But I guess I didn't even hurt you because now you're moved on and happy. Again, I went through that pain for nothing.
Finally, theres nothing no one can say to make me think that I'm not the stupidest person ever. Just when I thought I was going to be happy again, it ends. I should have known that something like this would happen. It did once before so why wouldn't it happen again? I just need to get a grip on myself.
For now on, I dont' care. About anything, my only goal is that I do not get hurt.

"Thats What You Get When Your Heart Wins"

Just Please Understand

This is the hardest thing I ever had to do. I hate myself for it. I know that its going to hurt him so bad. He's going to think that he's not good enough for me. But in reality, I'm not good enough for him. I can't keep going on like this, I'm not as happy as I know I can be. And quite frankly I think this is why.
He is truly great. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time. He wants nothing to do with anyone but me. He cares about me. He loves me.Its pretty much what every girl wants from a guy, but not me. Of course I want that. But just not right now. I'm not ready for it and I'm not sure when I will be.
I hate myself for getting to attached t0 him because I know how much he cares for me. And I do care for him too, but I think that I just want to care for him as a friend. I feel terrible for dragging our relationship out long because the only thing it has done was make us grow fonder of each other. Therefore making this process so hard.
He once told me that if we don't work out then he's done trying. I don't want him to! I know that eventually he will make some girl so extremely happy. I'm just not that girl. I know what it feels like to be broken up with and have it hurt so bad and I don't want him to go through it. I know that he's been through it before but this time I'm scared for him.
It really sucks when he tells me he loves me because I don't know what to say. If I say it back its just like leading him on and if I don't he's going to think that I don't love him or care for him but I do. I hate myself so bad right now!
"I'm falling in love but its falling apart. I need to find my way back to the start"

Just Shine Like Glitter(:

Glitter Glitter Glitter! :D
Why am I writing a blog about glitter? No idea, but for me, its a love hate relationship.
I love glitter because it makes everything pretty(: They way it shines in the light is just magical. And theres different colors so it matches with everything! But sometimes it looks tacky if you use too much, but I dont do that so its all good(: Glitter is apart of my everyday life in stuco! All you do it gillter this and glitter that, so you kinda have to like it at least a little bit! So thats why I like it.
I hate glitter because it gets EVERYWHERE! Like seriously, I have it like permanently stuck in my head. I've had glitter in places it shouldn't be before! Also I have choked on like a bottle of glitter so far! Its also really hard to clean up. Well I'm done so I'll leave you with this.
"Why isn't there glitter on that?! Just throw some on!