Just Listen

What could possibly be that bad? What can push someone so much that it makes the want to hurt themselves?
Its weird how you can see someone everyday and it never occur to you that something could be wrong with them. That they could be dying inside. We walk by them everyday just assuming they are fine. And yeah I know a lot of people are private about whats bothering them, but it never hurts to ask someone hey hows it going? Maybe they have been waiting for someone to notice them, trying to get attention but we never gave them a chance to express how they are feeling or whats going on in their life.
After all the damage has been done you sit there and wonder what you could have to done to prevent this. When a simple "hey" or "whats going on" could have made someones day.
Some say that peoples eyes are their windows, if thats the case then is our generation that messed up that we can't look someone in the eyes during a conversation? We can't even tell when something is bothering someone because we don't take the time to realize it.
It makes me sad to think of people who think that they aren't good enough for this life, Who think it would be best for them to just no be alive. When in reality, they have an impact on someone, And hurting themselves is not going to do anything but cause the ones who care for you so much pain.

Just Get A Grip

Well, I'm the one who's an idiot. Why am I not satisfied with what I have or had? It seems as if everything I do is a mistake. I'm supposed to make the right decisions for myself right? Well it sure as hell doesn't seem like I have been doing that lately. I'm just so tired of pretty much everyone. I want to know why everything has to be so messed up.
It all started with Freshman year. Damn high school. I put my self through so much pain, and for what? Nothing. Do people really think that I don't know what they are saying about me? That just because they don't tell me to my face the word still doesn't gets around. I'm basically just talking about one person here but still. But hey whatever right? It doesn't even matter anymore.
Things sure have been blowing up in my face lately. I ended it because I wasn't happy, that night I was even more unhappy then before. It killed me to know how much I hurt someone else. But I guess I didn't even hurt you because now you're moved on and happy. Again, I went through that pain for nothing.
Finally, theres nothing no one can say to make me think that I'm not the stupidest person ever. Just when I thought I was going to be happy again, it ends. I should have known that something like this would happen. It did once before so why wouldn't it happen again? I just need to get a grip on myself.
For now on, I dont' care. About anything, my only goal is that I do not get hurt.

"Thats What You Get When Your Heart Wins"

Just Please Understand

This is the hardest thing I ever had to do. I hate myself for it. I know that its going to hurt him so bad. He's going to think that he's not good enough for me. But in reality, I'm not good enough for him. I can't keep going on like this, I'm not as happy as I know I can be. And quite frankly I think this is why.
He is truly great. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time. He wants nothing to do with anyone but me. He cares about me. He loves me.Its pretty much what every girl wants from a guy, but not me. Of course I want that. But just not right now. I'm not ready for it and I'm not sure when I will be.
I hate myself for getting to attached t0 him because I know how much he cares for me. And I do care for him too, but I think that I just want to care for him as a friend. I feel terrible for dragging our relationship out long because the only thing it has done was make us grow fonder of each other. Therefore making this process so hard.
He once told me that if we don't work out then he's done trying. I don't want him to! I know that eventually he will make some girl so extremely happy. I'm just not that girl. I know what it feels like to be broken up with and have it hurt so bad and I don't want him to go through it. I know that he's been through it before but this time I'm scared for him.
It really sucks when he tells me he loves me because I don't know what to say. If I say it back its just like leading him on and if I don't he's going to think that I don't love him or care for him but I do. I hate myself so bad right now!
"I'm falling in love but its falling apart. I need to find my way back to the start"

Just Shine Like Glitter(:

Glitter Glitter Glitter! :D
Why am I writing a blog about glitter? No idea, but for me, its a love hate relationship.
I love glitter because it makes everything pretty(: They way it shines in the light is just magical. And theres different colors so it matches with everything! But sometimes it looks tacky if you use too much, but I dont do that so its all good(: Glitter is apart of my everyday life in stuco! All you do it gillter this and glitter that, so you kinda have to like it at least a little bit! So thats why I like it.
I hate glitter because it gets EVERYWHERE! Like seriously, I have it like permanently stuck in my head. I've had glitter in places it shouldn't be before! Also I have choked on like a bottle of glitter so far! Its also really hard to clean up. Well I'm done so I'll leave you with this.
"Why isn't there glitter on that?! Just throw some on!

Just Leave Me Be

I have had enough of you. It seems as if all you want to do is hurt me. What the heck did I do to you? Your the one who broke me. Are you not satisfied with that?

Now that I'm finally happy again you instantly appear. And all you have been doing is bringing me down. I thought I was through with you. I thought that finally you can't hurt me any more. But here I am, once again hurt by you. Yeah, I say that I don't care anymore but still it hurts sometimes. It makes me wonder what the heck I was thinking when I was with you. I didn't know how much damage you could do to me. Honestly I know that I do care, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this stupid thing. But here I am writing this..caring.

I wish I could be mean to you back, to hurt you. But I don't have it in me. I'm not that kind of person. People ask me why and I just can't explain it. But I know doing that won't make me no better than you. In fact I would be just like you. Hurting someone I once claimed to love. I want to know how you can go to "I love you" to "I hate you" when I haven't done a single thing to you.

I know that I just need to forget about you but it is so hard. I may not feel the same way about you as before but I still care. I would be hurt if anything ever happened to you. And it is so stupid because I know that you probably wouldn't even be bothered if anything happened to me. But hey what can I do right. I guess it is what it is. I tried with you and it didn't work, so now I just have to move on, and not worry or care about you any more. My song for it being over:
"I am running out of words to say to you. Wondering why I'm wasting my time. Thinking back and wondering why I'm such a fool for loving you"

Just Tired Of It

I'm tired of you always doing this to me. It seems as if you are never pleased with me. I know you love me but you have a hard time showing it sometimes. Its your temper and I hate how you blow up on me. You say hurtful things sometimes and you do not realize it. Its always over the littlest things when you yell at me too. It's never important either.
Its even worse when you are drinking. You always seem to get 20 times more mad then if you weren't drinking. Its as if you take out all your other problems out on me. Well its not always me either, you take it out on my brothers too. Its worse when you argue with them because they will sit there and argue back. And nothing ever comes good out of that.
The times when you make me cry are the worse. It makes me feel like crap. I think that you don't love me and you would be better off with out me. And if you don't love me, who will? I really don't want to talk about this anymore so I will be done. I will leave you with:
"Your parents say everything is your fault, but they don't know you like I know you they don't know you at all"

Just Doubtful

Well here it goes

I know what it's supposed to feel like, but I'm doubtful. I know that what I'm feeling is real. I love this feeling, I'm happy. And I haven't been this happy since, well the last time. But still it's just so hard to let him all the way in. I do not want to get hurt, again. I'm not sure if I will be able to handle that type of pain, again.

I don't want to mess this up again like I did the last time. I try to do things different but I realize I'm still doing the same exact thing. I pick the stupidest fights over nothing. And then I feel bad because he blames it on himself when I know its my fault. I do it on purpose sometimes, it excites me but I know that it can not be good for us. And I legitimately want this to last.

Problem: He wants me too meet his family
That scares the heck out of me. For one, what if they don't like me! That would be the worst thing ever. To know that his family hate me but still be with him. I would feel guilty for some reason. I think another reason I'm scared is if I do, then this is actually real. Me and him. Together. And that goes back to me not wanting to get hurt again. If I meet his family then that means we are actually apart of each others lives. I like that we are in each other lives, but it still scares me.

Another thing: He is best friends with his ex, I really didn't like that at first. But I got used to it. Now he says he's done talking to her and I feel bad. I don't want to be the reason their friendship breaks up. I don't care if he says that she has hurt him bad, I can tell he still cares for her a lot and I just have to deal with that.

Well I know that he means a lot to me and what ever happens, I do not want to hurt him at all.
He really is an amazing guy even if he doesn't think so. If we don't work out I still want to be friends and I want him to be happy. I just hate when he tells me that he would give up. It puts so much pressure on me and its sometimes to much.

But as but as I love venting my feelings, which I do haha, I believe its time to end this. So my last word will be:

"Your doing flips, read my lips. Your in love"