This is the hardest thing I ever had to do. I hate myself for it. I know that its going to hurt him so bad. He's going to think that he's not good enough for me. But in reality, I'm not good enough for him. I can't keep going on like this, I'm not as happy as I know I can be. And quite frankly I think this is why.
He is truly great. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time. He wants nothing to do with anyone but me. He cares about me. He loves me.Its pretty much what every girl wants from a guy, but not me. Of course I want that. But just not right now. I'm not ready for it and I'm not sure when I will be.
I hate myself for getting to attached t0 him because I know how much he cares for me. And I do care for him too, but I think that I just want to care for him as a friend. I feel terrible for dragging our relationship out long because the only thing it has done was make us grow fonder of each other. Therefore making this process so hard.
He once told me that if we don't work out then he's done trying. I don't want him to! I know that eventually he will make some girl so extremely happy. I'm just not that girl. I know what it feels like to be broken up with and have it hurt so bad and I don't want him to go through it. I know that he's been through it before but this time I'm scared for him.
It really sucks when he tells me he loves me because I don't know what to say. If I say it back its just like leading him on and if I don't he's going to think that I don't love him or care for him but I do. I hate myself so bad right now!
"I'm falling in love but its falling apart. I need to find my way back to the start"
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